Do you ever find yourself reacting to situations, or people, in ways that you don’t fully understand? Do you find yourself feeling more emotional than you think you “should” be or that the situation merits? You are not alone.
My clients often voice conflicts between what their head rationally thinks and what they feel. They might wake up at night worrying about doom case scenarios, or find themselves in tears unexpectedly and no amount of thinking can take them out of that state.
The blind spot is that the head and the heart operate on two separate channels that don’t overlap. Our heads can tell us whatever it wants about a particular situation, we still continue to feel the triggered emotions triggered.
There is no way around it. Shutting emotions away and ignoring them doesn’t help as they will only continue to come out and interfere when we least want them to. Emotions are data, they tell us something about us, they warn us that a situation doesn’t feel right, and at their core they signal to us that we have an unmet need.
So how to deal with them?
- Sit with your emotions and let yourself feel them fully.
- Identify what emotions they actually are by naming them one after another as there might be several. This step gives you clues as to what is really going on for you.
- Take a small step back and observe your emotions from a bit of a distance. What is each emotion telling you? What values or beliefs are perhaps challenged by this situation or person?
- Ask yourself what your unmet need might be in this moment. Very often, this is a fundamental need of wanting to be heard, loved or accepted.
Working on getting to know your emotional clutter is so important for living with more ease, and it helps you handle difficult situations and people better.
Simply trying to talk yourself out of them is unlikely to be effective in the long term, especially when using critical and judgmental self-talk. Next time you find yourself stuck in a negative spiral, try welcoming your feelings and listening to what they are trying to tell you.
This can sometimes be tricky to do on your own, so find someone you trust to help you.
Or get in touch and let’s talk.