I know that it’s the beginning of the year and spring is around the corner, and that we might be starting to feel a renewed energy to tackle our projects. But a topic that is on my mind again is how we finish things.
Starting new initiatives, meeting new people and getting stuck into something novel is hugely energizing and great fun. What we spend less time considering is, once we’ve accumulated commitments, relationships and activities in our lives, how we might gracefully step back when it all becomes too much. We don’t give much attention to how we end things well, and it can sometimes get really messy.
It can by tricky for so many reasons (we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or let anyone down), and every situation will be unique (though you might recognize patterns for your yourself), but by carrying on with something or someone when we don’t want to anymore or our capacity is full is good for nobody.
So how do we do this well?
We look at the clutter that is in our way and stopping us from stepping away.
There will likely be two types of clutter that will get in our way: mental and emotional (though of course some physical clutter might be involved too depending on the circumstances).
- In terms of mental clutter, what assumptions are we making about a situation or a person? Do we think that we are indispensable whereby others might welcome a change in direction or a fresh approach? Or are we telling ourselves stories around how nobody else can do this, or that we will be seen as a slacker/failure/etc… if we step away from a project or a group? The key thing here is to be really honest and also consider the more uncomfortable truths about ourselves (what if we’re not irreplaceable? how is our identity tied in with this activity?).
- We are likely carrying some emotional clutter around this too, like a guilt, or a disappointment, or maybe a frustration or sadness or anger. Whatever these emotions, we need to sit with them, acknowledge them and spend a bit of time looking at them, else they will only interfere with future situations and give us a sense of unfinished business, generally leaving us feeling rotten.
Become familiar with what is truly making it a challenge for you to end something, because only then can you start doing something about it.
Nope, it probably won’t be easy, but I can guarantee that once you’ve let go, you’ll feel lighter and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
And if you want some help with this, 👉 get in touch and let’s chat.